Theresa's Mixed Nuts: Why I'm Taking the Wente Make Time Pledge #MakeTimePledge

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Why I'm Taking the Wente Make Time Pledge #MakeTimePledge

This post is sponsored by Wente Vineyards but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.


I've been pretty reserved when it comes to sharing my struggles here on the blog. We all want to present our best side, but today I'm going to get real and honest for a minute. I think a lot of women add more to their plates than they can handle, myself included. As a mom, a wife, and a friend, I usually put myself last. For as long as I can remember, I've had this need to make others happy even if it came at the expense of my own happiness. I believe Teri Hatcher described it once as burnt toast. I'll always take the burnt toast so you can have the good piece, even though I hate burnt toast. I will inconvenience myself if I can make your life a little easier. I am a giver by nature and will run myself ragged doing for others, sacrificing my own happiness and sometimes health in the process.

Late last year I was hit with overwhelming fatigue. "It'll pass once the holidays are over." As it continued into the new year, I kept making excuses on why I wasn't feeling better. In my eyes, there was always a time frame on when it would pass. I then started experiencing stomach pain, which I chalked up to my autoimmune disorder, making even more excuses for my declining health. In March, we moved our pre-teen niece into our home which added even more to my already over-filled plate. I started having panic attacks. I withdrew from family and friends. The stress of daily life was so much, my body couldn't handle it anymore and forced itself out of remission from my colitis. It was now shutting down. I lost 20 pounds in under 2 months, simple tasks were a struggle for me to complete, and I had zero motivation to anything that required more than taking 10 steps from the couch. I had hit the lowest point in my life that I had ever been.

Thankfully, I have a good support system, and one particular person in my life I will be forever grateful for.

Best Friends

To the outside world, I was able to pull off the illusion that everything in my life was fine. However, my best friend Jenn quickly noticed that I was, indeed, not fine. "Cancel your plans for tomorrow. You and I are driving to Indy to see the New Kids on the Block." On that 3 hour car ride, we had one of those long heart-to-heart conversations where I was able to just let out everything that had been bothering me for the past 6 months.

Best Friends

She said, "I'm going to tell you what your problem is. You're doing too damn much for everyone else and absolutely nothing for yourself. So, here's the plan. Once a week, we are having girl time. Just you and me. You're going to get out of the house and we're going to do something YOU want to do."

Honestly, I was hesitant to agree at first. I thought, "Great. This is just another thing I'm going to have to add to my already packed schedule every week." But, my best friend is half Greek, half Puerto Rican, and that makes for one fiery, strong-willed personality you just don't say no to.

Best Friends

Over the course of the past few months, I learned she was 100% right. I've spent so much of my time doing for others, I forgot to make time for myself. I forgot how much stress you can let go of when you are doing something you actually enjoy. We don't have to make elaborate plans either. Sometimes we might splurge and go to a concert, but mostly it's the little things that give me something to look forward to each week- trying out a new cafe, bargain hunting at the thrift store, soaking up the sun for a few hours on the beach, or even just sitting on the deck enjoying a glass of wine.

Wente Wine

Making time for myself every week was exactly what I had been missing in my life. It doesn't do you any good when you spend all of your day doing for others and not setting aside time to do something just for yourself. I recently heard about the Wente Vineyards Make Time Pledge and thought that this was something that many of us, especially women, could benefit from participating in.

About the Wente Vineyards Make Time Pledge:

We know people are happiest when they make meaningful connections with one another but with so much competing for our attention, it’s easy to overlook things that truly matter. That’s why Wente Vineyards has been committed to making time for one another since day one, crafting wine and wine country experiences that bring friends and family together. We invite you to choose to make time for each other too.

With Wente Vineyards’ Make Time Pledge, we are encouraging you to take your commitment to making time for the activities, pursuits, and people in your life a step further by taking a 21 day pledge that will guide you in your #maketime journey with helpful tips and ideas along the way. 

Wente Vineyards

I know that it's hard to put yourself first sometimes. Women, especially moms, have this nasty habit of feeling guilty when we put our needs first. We need to stop doing that! Do you remember the last time you did something that was just for YOU? If you're struggling to think that far back, I think it's time to take the pledge. For the next 21 days, make time to do things that you love. Take a painting or cooking class, bicycle through the park, check out that book from the library you've been meaning to read for ages, spend time with someone whose company you enjoy. It's okay to make time for yourself! I didn't realize how bad I was jeopardizing my physical and mental health by not taking time for myself. Little indulgences really add up. I can honestly say that while I'm still on the road to recovery, I am in a much better place now than I was at the beginning of this year.

Best Friends

Check out the Wente Make Time Pledge and let me know in the comments how you're planning to make time for yourself.



37 comments:

  1. I read your blog often, but never comment. I just want to make sure you know that I see all that you do and love you for it very much. You're an awesome mother. You're an awesome wife. You're awesome all around!! I'm so lucky to be spending my life with you!

    Love
    -The good lucking guy standing by you in posts sometimes. :)

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    1. Don’t make me cry. It will send me into an uncontrollable coughing fit. But, thank you for all you do as well :)

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    2. Awwww I've almost teared up :) Sending a massive hug to you and Jason both!

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  2. Great that you are in much better shape now that you've taken some time for yourself each week. Sure the way to be. Just have to relax, even with all going on around one. One 74 year old lady told me the other day that she didn't make it this far by stressing. Live for today, to hell with tomorrow. That may not always work, but she is right somewhat. Stress can sure flair up everything health wise, and then everything gets worse. Like one big stupid circle.

    I just adopted the idgas attitude for many a thing, especially the rotten what rhymes with jerk space I currently am at, which I refuse to let me a life suck anymore. And another thing one can do is watch out for those people you know are doing too much in your life, like your friend did for you. That's why the cats and I have the poop machines a bit, as you see on that other spot.

    Hopefully your health stays on the upswing and you keep on taking the time.

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    1. I think that 74 year old lady is very wise! So many health issues wouldn't flare up if we could just lesson our stress every day.

      I'm slowing coming around to the idgas attitude as well. No has become my new favorite word. I'm glad that you have the poop machines in your life to bring you happiness. I do enjoy seeing your snaps of them at that other place. I'm sure they are a handful, but probably bring you lots of joy as well.

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  3. I was the youngest of four brothers, so I often felt like the bottom of the totem pole. It's one thing to put for a person to put themself last, quite maddening when you aren't given a choice. But very liberating when you finally can break free of that cycle.

    I felt that a lot with my mom as a kid. Did I choose the store? No. Did I choose the event? No. Did I choose the restaurant? Also no besides birthdays. Did I choose to sit in the middle of the damn front seat with no seat belt because her dumbass friend and son didn't have to drive their own car? Yeah I am bitter about that when I think about it.


    Sorry if I sound weird, but your story did revive some memories of mine. I needed a moment to vent.


    Though these days, I often still put myself last. But there are some rare moments.

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    1. I'm sorry this post brought up some hurt feelings from the past for you. I always felt as the middle child, I got the shaft. My older sister got to make most of the decisions, and little sister got away with everything. You're right that it really is liberating when you can finally break free and start making your own decisions for a change. I do think you are an amazing husband to Daisy, putting her needs above your own now, but hopefully she in turn gives you support when you most need it ♥

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  4. Wonderful photos and inspiring post, that is such a blessing to have that special someone in your life,who cares for you☺

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    1. Absolutely! I'd rather have one good, caring friend than all the riches in the world. And I do have that in my best friend :)

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  5. This is why I constantly worry about you, dahlink, and feel it on my radar whenever you're not feeling good. You work yourself too hard sometimes. If it is any consolation the art of not giving a damn :) comes with years, you know, when you learn to take everything that happens with 'Whatever mood' :)
    Sending a big hug to Jenn as well, such a lovely friend, you should've had that weekly day for the two of you long time ago organized into your weekly schedule. You two girls look so lovely in these photos, both the smiles, the settings (such gorgeous greenery and buildings) and your dress is ever so gorgeous.
    Love you heaps, dahlink, you know my life as well would be much emptier without your friendship!

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    1. Dezzy, you've played a very important role in helping me on the road to recovery. Just letting me vent, sending me messages, and just knowing that you're always a few keystrokes away has brought me so much comfort over the years. Even though there's distance between our homes, you are always in my heart. I love you too and am so much richer for having you in my life ♥

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  6. I definitely think we have to take time for ourselves and I think rarely we actually do. There's just so much to do for everybody else we just don't think about ourselves. I am glad that you're taking the time to make sure that you are staying healthy.

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    1. Thank you, Jeannette! Hopefully this challenge will encourage others to start doing a little more for themselves daily. Self-care is so important. You can't give your best to others when you aren't at your best self.

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  7. Yes, I think making time for yourself is so important. I make sure to do it daily or else I'll lose my mind. I love to read, so I always make sure I do that.

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    1. Reading is a great way to treat yourself. Relieve the stress and fill your mind. I love it!

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  8. It's so good to have friends. I had to see mine this summer. That's part of why we went to Minneapolis. I have been bothered because one friend that I had for, forever has dropped me. I have no idea why? Like communicate if I did something. She'll come home, and not even call.

    I've had the opposite problem with weight. I've been gaining. :( I have no energy, and as soon as I wean off breathing inhalers, I start to wheeze at night and have to take it again. Inhalers make me gain weight. I love to paint, but I'm tired after a day of working, dinner and so on.

    You are an amazing person. Continue to take care of yourself. You took in your niece, that's the best Aunt ever! Hang in there.

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    1. I'm sorry your friend just dropped you without any warning. I can't imagine anyone not liking you, Alissa. You stay neutral on most topics, and even when you chime into controversial ones, you aren't abrasive with your opinions. In any case, I'd say she's the one who took a loss by walking away.

      I've always wondered how you get so much done. It seems like you are forever on the go. I admire your work ethic and how much dedication you have for your family. I do hope that you are able to find time for your paintings again soon. You know that I am always impressed with your art and all of the neat details you include in your work!

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    2. That girl left the whole group. I have a group of close friends.

      One is ultra religious - but accepting of others

      Another is a gay guy - a florist that was raised Catholic

      Another is pretty open to anything - she is a child therapist, married and has a son Isaak's age, she's moderately conservative but open minded

      Another is all over the place, an adult therapist, has 2 girls, and is gay

      The one that dropped us is a vegan and very far to the left. I think she doesn't like the conservative religious one. It's sad. I thought we lived it a democratic world, where we could believe, think and vote who we want to. I used to think more conservatives veer from the ones that aren't. I see the opposite a lot! Even within my own field artist types are like to pretend they are open minded, but in the classroom there's always someone that gets judged because they are different from the others. It makes me mad because my conservative friend is really nice.

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    3. I think it's really sad when people drop friends over political beliefs. At the end of the day we're all just trying to make it through this crazy life. I have voted both Republican and Democrat in my lifetime, depending on who I think will do the best for our country, but I find that I hear more negativity and snark coming from the far left. Also, those that demand acceptance and equality (which we all deserve a right to) are less tolerant and hostile to those whose beliefs don't align with theirs. Even as a vegetarian, when I hear preachy rants from other vegetarians or vegans, I just want to slap the shit out of them. I mean, can't we all just accept that we're going to have differences with most people, but I think we can look past those if we try and start building on the common ground that we do stand upon instead of just chucking a whole relationship into the trash?

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    4. Hear Hear, ladies! I'm agreeing with my blogger girl posse. I am somewhat conservative, but very accepting and think we can get along despite differences. I also hate the rantings of those who don't. I move along quickly when it starts, so I don't have to endure the tantrums. That's what I call them. :)

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  9. I love time with my gal pals and its so good to take the time to enjoy it.

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    1. Gal time is some of the best time. We should all definitely make more time to just relax with our friends and release some stress through laughter.

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  10. You both looks beautiful, great photos <3 :**

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  11. I had not heard of this pledge before, and it is such a great idea. Our oldest son has autism, so making time for myself is very difficult in this stage of life. About the only time I have for myself is when my kids are at school, and school just started yesterday! Thanks for sharing about the pledge!

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  12. I love this pledge even though I can't drink wine due to medication I'm on for my autoimmune disorder too. I'm also guilty of taking the burnt toast even though I don't like it either. (love that explanation) My own health problems complicated my marriage and I always hid that from others. Other people had no clue all the struggles that I been dealing with for the last 5ish years. I didn't have that one person to help me though. I was seeing a counselor for a long time to help me but some of the problem wasn't mine. I can't share details at the moment due to legal circumstances. Just before the holidays, my mental health status was horrible. I didn't want to do anything, including write (something im passionate about bc I'm able to help others). I now have been taking care of myself and practicing self-care. I deserve it and need it for my own mental health. Poor mental health can complicate health problems and I can see how bad things were now that my eyes are opened. I was slowly dying. Thank you for sharing your honesty. One day I will share my complete story so that I may help someone else.

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  13. How wonderful that you're in a better place now after suffering for so long. I love the idea of a Wente Make Time Pledge. It's important to take care of ourselves and make time for friends and family.

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  14. What an incredible movement to improve our best-selves! I need to make a pledge too and do something for myself!

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  15. I am so glad you are better now. It must have been tough. Taking care of ourselves is important

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  16. It's always great to take time for yourself. I know I need to do this more often as well. I certainly thing I should take this pledge too.

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  17. My husband is like this. He is the burnt toast guy in our house and it drives me crazy! Throw the burnt toast out and make more. I try to make him feel special in other ways because he does do so much for all of us. It's not always wanted though. (Rena)

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  18. I know what you mean about struggling, but trying to share your good side on your blog. This sounds like a great challenge to participate in. I think I need to do it too!

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  19. I'm glad you're starting to feel better. Hurrah for good friends who are smart and in-tune with our feelings. :)

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  20. Beautiful and inspiring post. Glad to know that you have great support system. You are an awesome friend, wife and mom.

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  21. Your friendship with Jenn is so inspiring. Only true friends would notice what is happening inside of us. Take care always!

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  22. I'm glad you are feeling better!!! What an awesome friend that you have!

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Thanks for your comments! I appreciate every one of them :) Except promotional posts with added links. Those will be deleted.

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