Theresa's Mixed Nuts: Stay at home moms, what are you doing with your life?

Friday, February 17, 2012

Stay at home moms, what are you doing with your life?

Have you ever had one of those moments where you just have to shake your head at the stupidity of others? I was recently attacked, by a family member no less, about my choice to be a stay at home mom. I was told flat out that I was doing nothing with my life and what was I accomplishing by being a “Molly Homemaker?” This person just started college after being one of these so called “Molly Homemakers” for the past 15 years herself, so I’m assuming she felt the need to tear into me because of her unhappiness with her own life choices. When I brought this subject up with my best friend, who is also a homemaker, she said that she gets these types of comments thrown at her all the time too. While I can agree with her that the opinions of these people do not matter, it does get annoying hearing it time and again.

I made the choice to stay home with my oldest daughter when she was 3. I was working 2 jobs and babysitting on the side and eventually got tired of hearing about her accomplishments by our babysitter. On top of that, I felt I was away from her so much, we just weren’t bonding the way I thought a mother and child should. Going over what I was bringing home from my paychecks, minus the daycare, gas, and wardrobe expenses of maintaining a job, I really wasn’t bringing in much more than what we would save if I had no job at all. With great joy I quit my jobs and started my new life as a stay at home mom. I have never regretted this decision once.

This isn’t a post about stay at home moms vs. working moms. I’ve done both and I think working moms have it much harder than the sahm. Not only do they have to work, they have to come home and do all the stuff sahm’s do during the day. There are some days I do envy working moms though. I miss adult interaction. My husband jokes that I know the cashier’s a little too well at all of our area grocery stores because I tend to talk too much when I do happen to get around another adult. I miss going out to lunch. I miss being in the car by myself and listening to what I want on the radio. I also miss the quiet I would get on my 15 minute breaks.

I do not think that women choose to stay home and raise a family because they lack ambition or are not intelligent enough to secure a spot in today’s work force. I know many college educated women who have put their careers on hold to raise a family. While I realize not every mother has the option to choose to stay home vs. work, if both husband and wife can agree it is in the best interest of their family, who am I to judge?

To answer the question on what am I accomplishing with my life as a stay at home mom, I am building a strong bond with my children. I have been to every class party, go on field trips (and yes, some of them suck and I wonder what the heck I was thinking coming along), I volunteer on field day (which sometimes sucks too. Last year it was over 100 degrees out- not fun), I am home when my kids arrive and are ready to talk or vent about their day. I am having fun and creating memories with them every day. But most importantly, I am raising two loving, intelligent, compassionate kids and am preparing them to become productive members of society. If they both choose to be stay at home moms I will be just as proud as I would with any career path they choose. This is their decision, one that nobody has a right to attack, and if I had to choose again, I would make the same choices over again.


  1. I just had to comment on this when I saw it on Twitter. Unfortuntely it's so very true that some ppl feel the need to look "down" on SAHMs. I chose to stay at home right now because my mom stayed at home with us for most of my childhood and I truly believe I'm a better person because of it. I loved that she was there for me after school and during lunch since we lived close enough for me to go home. I wouldn't have it any other way, and although some ppl think SAHM just lay around eating bon-bons or something lol, it's soooo far from the truth! My hubby sees exactly how trying it is when he has a day off and the kids are nagging, there's ALWAYS something to be done around the house, and it really is a 24/7 job ;) Doesn't mean someone is any less of a person or doesn't have the smarts and skills like working moms, just means they're able to be home and they WANT to for their kids :)

    Sorry for the little rant hehe...can you tell that I can relate?? lol

  2. I think most sahm can relate. My mom did not stay home and I hated every babysitter we had. I remember all the moms that would come to class and chaperone on trips and always wished my mom could too. Little do people know that my husband hires me from time to time to come in to his work when they need special projects done that they just don't have the manpower to fill. This is downright dirty, back breaking factory work, and even at what I get paid from him, it's not worth the paycheck. But I do it when he needs me because he needs the help. But, since it's for my husbands company, I guess that doesn't count. The first time Allison heard I was going to work there she freaked out and nearly had a panick attack. She did not like the idea of me working at all lol.
    I think that the sahm that has younger children at home all day have a very stressful job. Thankfully I am passed that stage, where mine are in school during the day. I still bust my hump to make sure this house is in running order every day, but I will be honest, there are days if I feel like sitting down and watching a movie, I will, without regret. We are entitled to take a little time for ourselves every now and again!
    My husband was more offended by the remark, I think, than I was. "Don't let her dimish your worth and the work you put in around here" he told me. So as long as he recognizes what I do and supports it, that's really all that matters in my book.

    1. It makes all the difference having a supportive hubby! I brush it off if it ever comes up, because we're bound to encounter that from time to time lol. You're lucky you're past the "younger children" stage haha! I love the my kids are getting a little more independent and not so needy in that baby sense. I loved them as babies, but honestly, I'm glad we made it past the clingy, sleepless nights, crying etc. ;) You're right, don't feel bad about taking a break and watching a movie! I make sure I take breaks too when I can :) And like you said, you also work for your hubby when he needs it, kudos to you! It definitely sounds like not an easy job there! Glad you wrote this post though, I told my mom about it :)

  3. i consider you one of the lucky ones who is able to stay at home with the kids. if it were financially possible for me, i would consider it. my mom stayed home for 20+ years until i(the baby) went to intermediate. then she finally went to work! i had a wonderful childhood because of this.

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  4. I love hearing stories about how kids loved having their moms home. I just hope mine say the same thing lol. I get that staying at home isn't for everyone. My friend has been layed off for several months and doesn't know what to do with herself. Some woman want to work, others prefer to stay home and tend the house. I don't see anything wrong with either choice. I just wish others felt the same!


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